When Therapy Doesn’t Help
From Diabetes Self-Management blog
When Therapy Doesn’t Help
Joe Nelson
Diabetes is a condition that can make people feel like they have done
something wrong even when they haven’t. The unpredictable
fluctuations and frustrations that come with diabetes, even when you
behave the way health-care professionals have suggested, can make you
think that you messed up. For instance, when someone like me suggests
that if you go to therapy you will feel better, and you follow my
advice, you expect that you will feel better. However, sometimes that
isn’t the outcome. So what might interfere with effective therapy,
and who is at fault?
This is a complex question, and all of the people involved likely
share some of the responsibility.
First, you must ask yourself the following questions: Why are you
going to therapy, and what do you want to change? Most of us who seek
therapy have some type of pain or problem that we can’t resolve on
our own. We may be struggling with relationships, strong feelings
that can get carried away, or some behavior we would like to alter.
Clearly, we want help in moving ourselves or others from our current
situation.
The more clear and specific you can be about what you want to change,
the better your chances of finding a therapist who can be helpful. If
you are uncertain about what issue you want help with, the therapist
can help you identify it, but it might take a couple of sessions to
figure that out. Once you have identified the “what,” the therapist
will hopefully be able to identify the “how” part of the process. The
therapist should be able to verbalize to you how he is going to be
helpful and what part you will play in the process.
Now I’ll identify some of the issues that can interfere with good
therapy. If you have further questions about these, I hope that you
will leave a comment at the end of this blog entry.
A bad fit. This may sound simplistic, but I’m sure that you know when
you feel a connection with someone and when you don’t. If you are not
comfortable with a therapist, you are probably not going to trust
them enough to risk very much. If it’s not working in the first
couple of sessions, you will probably know. So trust your gut and ask
for another referral. Most therapists will also understand this and
be willing to help you find someone who may be a better fit.
The therapist is not trained in what you are seeking help for. If you
already know what you want help with and the therapist has little or
no experience or training in that area, don’t go to begin with. You
do not have to be their training ground. I have always believed that
a therapist needs to understand diabetes basics to work with people
who live with diabetes. I really think that, even though many of the
issues I help people address during therapy aren’t diabetes-related,
diabetes is always in the background and I need to appreciate that. I
believe that this is true for all issues you seek help withthe
therapist must have some decent knowledge about such issues or they
should say so and refer you to someone else.
You are not ready for therapy. While we all feel pain in our lives,
the price we must pay, emotionally or relationship-wise, can prevent
us from being willing to take action about our problems. In this
case, the best therapist in the world can’t make change happen. They
can help you discuss your ambivalence or confront your unwillingness
to examine yourself, but therapy might not be helpful if you’re not
ready for change.
The style of therapy doesn’t fit with how you process information.
There are many different styles of psychotherapy. The therapist you
seek will have been trained in various forms that he can describe for
you. This is an opportunity for you to at least get a sense about how
the therapist works and what he expects of you. You will also be able
to have some appreciation about how you might do with this person and
his approach. If it doesn’t fit for you and you don’t think you can
adapt to his approach, seek someone who will fit better with how you
think.
Lastly, sometimes therapy doesn’t work and no one is at fault.
Sometimes the therapy works but the outcome isn’t what you intended,
like the couple that seeks marriage counseling only to come to a
decision to divorce. Sometimes therapy works to identify the issue,
but you need to work on it on your own over timeor it might come
back again, like recurrent depression.