12 Steps and diabetes? Step 1
When I started writing, I thought it would be simple to write a few things
and press send - Turned out to be as simple as diabetes 
This
could end up being a book SO I think it is time to press send…..
1. In what ways have you repeatedly tried to control your
(diabetes)? Have any of these brought you long-term
relief?
There are so many ways that I have tried to control my diabetes and most of
them have helped only while I am focusing on attempting to make “it work”.
First thing that I think of is many years ago requesting a pill that
reduces the amount of glycogen that is released from the liver.
(metaformin?/glucophage?) Decided wouldn’t be a good idea after the doctor
mentioned that if I had a major low my body might not have enough “sugar
reserves” to keep me alive….. Not a risk I was willing to take.
I have done research on onset/peak/duration of the various insulins to try
to find the optimum insulin doses. Never consistently worked. And now it
is difficult to even find that information. The information now says
something like: “The onset, peak and duration of this product is different
for different people and may be different for the same person at different
times.” So much for predictability…..
And then there is rigidly controlling portion sizes and reducing carbs -
couldn’t keep the energy to continue for very long.
And attempting to set unrealistic exercise goals or not “having a crystal
ball” to know how many calories would be used. Remember one day hike
where I had a large amount of food and candy and got to the point where I
was having trouble eating enough to stay above the 60s.
How can I predict and control a 200+ blood sugar rise without eating
anything? Especially when it doesn’t climb all the time.
And then there have been times when I have not worried about how much I was
going to eat AND the blood sugars were better than when I was “controlling”
the food amounts.
The hardest things are the variations that happen without any obvious
explanation.
And remembering how many times I have made sure my blood sugar was in a
“reasonable” range before getting blood tests that included a fasting or
random blood sugar. Doesn’t matter that I have been looking for a way to
consistently keep the sugars from climbing to the mid 200s even without
eating. Just take enough insulin and test until it’s low enough for the
lab test….
And I wanted to believe that an insulin pump would make it better. Yes, it
was better in some ways and in others more difficult. To me it was much
more difficult having to deal with the “mechanical problems” that seemed to
need to be dealt with NOW. (batteries dying, plugged infusion sets, skin
irritation, bleeding site, snagged tubing, insulin seeming to loose
effectiveness). I think it was needing remain aware of what the
“hardware” was doing in addition to the awareness of how my body was
doing. (hyper-vigilance?)
And the fantasy that if I just find the “right answer”, I’ll be able to
live like I didn’t have diabetes.
It seems like changing anything helps in the short term and in the long
term similar frustrations come up. Probably comes down to “I still have to
deal with having diabetes”.
2. What are some of the ways that the (diabetes) has
caused your life to be unmanageable? Discuss how it has
affected your relationships, your physical health, and
your life in general.
Needing to take into account the diabetes with everything that I
do. Knowing how similar the physical feeling of fear, anger and excitement
are to a medical emergency - LOW BLOOD SUGAR. Am I just angry or over
reacting because of a low blood sugar. Sometimes you might think that I was
acting like my life was at risk - and more than one of those times it has been.
How uncomfortable it is to know that with the wrong combination of
circumstances I could get a DUI because of a low blood sugar. Do
remember coming too in the early 70s with my knit shirt being shredded and
still on me - and a policeman standing at the emergency room door.
And how people are so willing to tell me what I need to do to “fix the
diabetes”.
Many times I have “assaulted” people with the facts about diabetes - Very
few want to hear how devastating it really is.
Or how angry I can get when the assumption is made that a person wasn’t
taking care of their diabetes when they die from one of many common
diabetes complications.
3. Has your (diabetes) isolated you from other people?
Has it isolated you from the God of your understanding?
How do you imagine recovery will make a difference with
that?
Diabetes has definitely isolated me from other people. When so much of
socializing is focused around food and how do I explain to others how much
work it is to “plan” what I need to do to be able to eat. When I say I
have diabetes so many times I get “but you aren’t fat”……. No I’m not
and I still have problems with living with diabetes although I have yet to
get any major complications. (Thank my HP cause my attempts at “control”
have impacted jobs and I am lucky that I survived 3 years of roller-coaster
blood sugars in the early 80s.)
How many times have I gotten “short” with people who meaning will say “a
cure will be found soon”. Been hearing that since day one. At least
before self blood testing it wasn’t possible to see how “BAD” I was really
doing. Most of it hasn’t been the medical though - It seems that diabetes
isn’t serious enough to have mental health experts who know much about it.
When I was attending f2f meetings (Diabetics Anonymous) it helped the
feeling of isolation from people. In many ways it was reassuring to find
that I wasn’t the only one who had problems keeping diabetes in
“control”. It seemed like we all believed that if we just found the right
“answer” we wouldn’t have a problem with the diabetes….. Control or
“white knuckling” my hold on an “illusion of control”.
Though not what I would choose it is comforting to know that I will make it
through anything that diabetes does to my body.
Recovery works by looking at the whole person - physical, emotional, and
spiritual. I’ve seen it work with diabetes and have also seen how scary
it is when people start seeing and acknowledging reality. You will find
that you are not the only one who struggles with diabetes when people feel
safe enough to talk about what is REALLY going on.
And loosing weight may help BUT it definitely won’t cause diabetes to “take
care of itself”….
Take what you want and leave the rest,